i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
