He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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