I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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