I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
