Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
