so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
