Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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