I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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