I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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