Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
