I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize