it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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