I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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