in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
