i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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