I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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