if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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