There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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