It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
