Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
