whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
