Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
