Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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