i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
