When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
