do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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