um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
