I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
