Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
