next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I would ride that face into the sunset
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
