I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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