It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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