i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
