I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
