I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
