Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
