no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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