I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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