Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
