i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i will never coherently bang her
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
