How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
