I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
