Only a mothe r could love this liver
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
