i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize