I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
ttyl tear gas
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
