did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
