my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
