If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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