too bad you live with your parents still
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
