just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
