I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
