tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
