i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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