Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize