I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
