I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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