if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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