I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
