Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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