i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
