At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
