dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
