Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
