You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
