Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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