So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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