I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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