I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
