9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
