Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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