I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
