I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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