New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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