he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
