i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize