Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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