my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
