So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I accidentally burped into my bong.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
