...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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