Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
