Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
