While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
