Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
