did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
