I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize