Michael Bay diarrhea
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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