remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
