Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
