before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
