oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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