Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
