then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
