That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
