so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
