I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
